Lyrics

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Warren Cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Denny Walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (lead vocals)
Peter Wolf (keyboards)
Arthur Barrow (bass, vocals)
Ed Mann (percussion)
Vinnie Colaiuta (drums)

JOE leaves the First Church of Appliantology and sets out to try L. RON's expensive advice

Central Scrutinizer:
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER... Joe has just learned to speak German Now, get this, here's why he did it! He's gonna go to this club on the other side of town, it's called THE CLOSET... And they got these Appliances in there that really go for a guy dressed up like a housewife who can speak German (you know what I mean)... so Joe's learned how to speak German, he goes into this place and he sees these little Kitchen Machineries dancing around with each other, and he sees this one...that looks like ah, it's a cross between an industrial vacuum cleaner and a chrome piggy bank with marital aids stuck all over its body...it's really exciting...and when he sees it, he BURSTS INTO SONG...

Joe:
Fick mich, du
miserabler hurensohn
Du miserabler hurensohn
Fick mich, du
miserabler hurensohn
Streck ihn aus
Streck aus deinen
heissen gelockten
Streck ihn aus
Streck aus deinen
heissen gelockten
Streck ihn aus
Streck aus deinen
heissen gelockten
schwanz
Ah-ee-ahee-ahhhhh!
Mach es sehr schnell
Rein und raus
Magisches Schwein
Mach es sehr schnell
Rein und raus
Magisches Schwein
Bis es spritzt, spritzt,
spritzt, spritzt
Feuer!
Bis es spritzt, spritzt,
spritzt, spritzt
Feuer!
Aber beklecker nicht
das Sofa, Sofa!
Aber beklecker nicht
das Sofa, Sofa!
Aber beklecker nicht
das Sofa, Sofa!
Aber beklecker nicht
das Sofa, Sofa!

Stunned by JOE's command of it's native tongue, a gleaming model XQJ-37 nuclear powered Pan-Sexual Roto-Plooker named SY BORG (previously thought to be the son of the lady who called the Police on cut two, side I), spindles over to JOE and says...

Sy Borg:
Pick me...I'm clean...
I am also programmed
for conversational
English.

This stuns JOE, who stands there speechless for a moment. Smitten by JOE's animal magnetism, SY continues...

Sy Borg:
May I have
this dance?

And JOE, looking sharp in his housewife costume with the napkin on his head and the yellow chiffon apron, responds boldly by repeat- ing the entreaty originally delivered in Deutsch in its conversational English form, so that his intentions re- garding the Appliance will be made perfectly clear...

Joe:
I've got a better idea...

Fuck me, you ugly son
of a bitch
You ugly son of a bitch
Fuck me, you ugly son
of a bitch
Stick it out
Stick out yer
hot curly weenie
Stick it out
Stick out yer
hot curly weenie
Stick it out
Stick out yer
hot curly weenie
Weenie...weenie,
weenie, weenie!

Make it go fast
In and out,
(In and out)
Magical Pig

Make it go fast
In and out,
(In and out)
Magical Pig

Till it squirts, squirts,
squirts, squirts
Fire

Till it squirts, squirts,
squirts, squirts
Fire

Don't get no jizz
upon that sofa, sofa
Don't get no jizz
upon that sofa, sofa
Don't get no jizz
upon that sofa, sofa
Don't get no jizz
upon that sofa, sofa

Whereupon, in order to
prove to JOE that he is
no ordinary Appliance, SY
quotes a few lines of
traditional American Love
Poetry...

Sy Borg:
What's a girl like you
Doing in a place
like this?
Do you come
here often?
Wait a minute...
I've got it...
You're an Italian...
What? You're Jewish?
Love your nails...
You must be a Libra...
Your place or mine?
Your place or mine?
Your place or mine?
Your place or mine?

See the chrome
Feel the chrome
Touch the chrome
Heal the chrome
See the screaming
Hot black steaming
Iridescent naugahyde
python screaming
Steam Roller!